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Worzels World - Professor Worzel's Recipe for Disaster

 

Due to the incredible resilience of nature, both human and otherwise, it is not as easy to cook up a disaster as it may first appear. 

The human being is one of the most adaptable creatures on the planet. As a species we have learnt to thrive in even the most difficult environments. The Inuit peoples have existed in harsh polar regions for countless generations. The Tuareg and Bedouin have traversed the wastes of Saharan Africa for time immemorial.  

 

Likewise Mother Nature is marvellously resilient. You can sweat and toil slashing and spraying and a short time later new growth undoes all the hard work of destruction.  

 

A small portion of land that I refer to, somewhat erroneously, as ‘the top paddock’ has been completely cleared three times during my tenure. At present the five finger, gorse and scrub are about four meters high. Due to laziness I have decided I prefer trees to grass anyway. I have no doubt that if the population of Auckland was suddenly removed from the face of the planet (wishful thinking I know) a hundred years hence it would be forested once again. 

 

Consequently a bona fide disaster requires just the right ingredients combined with an exacting method. 

 

To successfully achieve disaster both individually and collectively we must first start with the children. 'Give me the child until he is seven, and I will give you the man’ say the Jesuits. 

 

Foster in children a high self-esteem without the requirement to actually mould themselves into something worth esteeming. Convince young people that the respect of their peers and seniors is not worthwhile, that honesty, reliability and strength of character are for 'try hards' and fools. Rather, encourage them to aspire to popularity and fame by whatever means necessary, no matter how puerile.  

 

If a particular child is a nasty, lazy, disobedient savage, they should be diagnosed as having some disorder or other so that no one, especially the child, need take any personal responsibility for this behaviour. Don’t teach them anything that is actually useful. Engender the belief that life owes them something, that it is not necessary to sweat and toil to earn a living.  

 

Encourage and reward participation but quell the competitive spirit and ostracise rather than emulate those that strive for excellence (or even better than average). Lie to children often.  

 

Our schools are doing a marvellous job in these areas and modern media enthusiastically support their efforts but disaster cannot possibly be achieved without the cooperation of parents. 

 

Under no circumstances expose children to reality. It is in the nature of children to adjust rapidly to changes in circumstance. This sort of thing can undo a lot of hard work and disaster will not eventuate.  

 

For adults the recipe is similar. They too must be led to believe that they deserve and can obtain a lifestyle beyond their means. That self-respect, satisfaction, and contentment come not from honest endeavour, personal integrity and a race well run, but rather from excessive consumption and profligate waste.  

 

It is not easy to convince people of such rubbish. This is why so much time, money and effort is spent on advertising: Yes you to can improve your sex life or clear up nasty spots with some product or other; this widget, wotsit or thing-a-me-bob will give you the warm and satisfying glow of knowing you own a quality product, ensure a healthier, happier, longer life and will make for a brighter future. Such stuff only complicates people’s lives and causes stress. 

 

Brew for a decade or two away from direct light and regularly add more stuff. This will thicken the disaster nicely. Self-help books written by dysfunctional charlatans can be added to taste.  

 

The world abounds with the dysfunctional who insist on telling others how to function. They promise everything and anything; enlightenment, spirituality, ten minute orgasms, eternal life and of course a deep and loving personal relationship with that most popular of modern gods – money. 

 

When a majority of people live stressful, confused and unfulfilled lives, when expectations have been raised beyond what is reasonable and sustainable, when honesty and hard work are scorned in favour of superficial popularity and the expectation of easy wealth, then your disaster has been well prepared. All that is needed is to keep the heat on and simmer for a generation or two. The longer the better. A half-baked disaster is hardly a disaster at all.  

 

Death is easy, any fool can die and all manage it sooner or later. Life though is hard. It was meant to be and no one said it would be otherwise – but it doesn't have to be a disaster. 

 

 


 

To successfully achieve disaster both individually and collectively we must first start with the children… Convince young people that the respect of their peers and seniors is not worthwhile… Don’t teach them anything that is actually useful. Engender the belief that life owes them something, that it is not necessary to sweat and toil to earn a living. 

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