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Worzels World - Solved: The World’s Problems

 

Unless you have been held captive in a tow-er, ivory or otherwise, and have not had re-course to any news media then it will be obvi-ous that this old world faces a few problems that have so far defied man’s ability to find so-lutions.

The various intergovernmental forums have failed. APEC have failed, the G8, the UN and the Bilderberg group have all failed.

Where generously funded, highly organ-ised international institutions have been un-successful, a small informal self-funded bunch has succeeded. They meet in Waipu to play music and on some occasions actually listen to it. It is usual at such gatherings for light refreshments to be taken, conversation exchanged and many of the world’s problems solved. Sadly there are seldom representatives of the global media present to report. And of-ten by the time everybody has gone home, had a good sleep and woken to a Monday morning workaday world – a world still failing – such so-lutions as were revealed are already forgotten.

But not always.

It is my privilege and duty as a witness to the discovery of the answer to the world’s problems to tell you what it is. We can then set about correcting what is wrong and finally sorting everything out.

“Everybody just needs to work together,” she said.

The comment may have passed unnoticed. The assembled half dozen did not, as one, turn in startled awe at what had been revealed. There were little or no signs in the heavens, the sun was not blackened, no lightning struck, but rather a few lazy wisps of cirrus filled out an otherwise clear sky. Heralding trumpets

were silent and no celestial choir rang out the Alleluia. Instead Louis Armstrong oozed lazy blues through ample speakers.

A bit trite, I thought. Naive really. Surely in this vast and complex universe nothing can be that simple, can it?

I could not deny though, that the concept of working together had some appeal. Certain-ly in my knowledge of history it is something

yet to be tried and often great truths are simple ones. Maybe instead of exploiting one another, fighting one another, lying, cheating and de-ceiving one another, spying on, fearing, and judging one another we just started working together? What then?

It is in situations like this where we must subject ideas to stringent scientific scrutiny. Experience tells us there are many pitfalls in finding solutions to the world’s problems. Former solutions like Keynesian monetarism, the Second World War and closing your eyes, holding your breath and wishing the problems away looked reasonable in theory. They sadly proved disastrous when applied.

“Could you pass me a beer please?” I asked. She reached into the chilly bin and deliv-ered a bottle, cap thoughtfully removed. I was understandably impressed. I took a sip of the fresh foamy brew. So far working together had proved successful in 100 percent of clinical tri-als. Moreover members of the control group who had not worked together but had instead talked among themselves about such things as politics or whether Neil Young was in the band when they did Long Time Gone, had either a

partly filled bottle of slightly flat beer or, as in two cases, no beer at all.

Endless hours of research at countless bar-beques, together with quantities of beer and whiskey have finally paid dividends. While I am a little disappointed to report this momen-tous discovery a little too late for consideration in the Nobel Prize list, I can now announce to the world that we have discovered the answer

to its problems. I am glad to be part of bring-ing this important solution to the people. It is

indeed a tribute to what can be achieved when people work together.

Now that we know, we need to start working together. We can, thankfully disregard social-ism, capitalism, communism, despotism and all the other isms. We may as well forget about the ocracies, like plutocracy, bureaucracy and aristocracy while we’re at it.

Certain state agencies, like the police, the Audit Office, IRD and parliament can be dis-pensed with. Their employees can be used more profitably building roads, being kind to children and animals and lifting heavy things for the aged and infirm. We will no longer need ideas like ‘Us’ and ‘Them’. From now on there will only be ‘Us’. We can stop working against each other for private gain and start working together for the general good. We can, at last, tell everybody the answer to the world’s problems - it’s time to start working together.

„ prof_Worzel@hotmail.com
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