How to deal with a stressful relationship

09 May, 2022

Before I learned how to apply mindfulness in my daily life, I often felt frustrated because of an annoying friend, an unreliable neighbour or a demanding client. Naturally, I was totally convinced that my discontentment was being caused by those others… certainly not by me!

Relief
But as soon as I started to learn about mindfulness, I could see that a huge part of my frustrations were mainly caused by my own attitude, not really by the behaviour of that other person. So it was all my fault… ouch! Nevertheless that discovery proved to be a huge relief, simply because it meant that ‘I’ could do something about it. From then on I started to apply the wonderfully sensible principles of mindfulness to my relations, and watched how all the stress I had been experiencing in the past, started to disappear. The people in my life suddenly became a lot nicer and more interesting than ever before.

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The beauty of mindfulness is that you are in control. You don’t have to helplessly wait until your friend or mother changes (something that will never happen anyway) but you can transform that challenging relationship yourself by having a good, honest look at your outdated expectations and judgements, and see that these no longer serve you, after which you can simply ditch them. When you practise mindfulness, you’ll no longer be the victim of emotional drama which damage your relations. Instead you’ll be able to keep a clear mind and decide for yourself if and how you’d like to respond to a certain remark or situation.

By allowing mindfulness into your life you create inner peace and you’ll find that you’re a lot less prone to getting overwhelmed by intense emotions, like fear, rage or sadness. This is not only a lot healthier for your wellbeing, but also for the relations you have with those who play such an important role in your life.

Practise mindfulness today

1. Choose one of my 10 mindfulness principles

Acceptance, letting go, start again, patience, non-judging, non-striving, trusting, integrity, humility or compassion.

2. Take some time to think about your chosen principle

· What does this principle mean to you?

· How would you feel if it was ‘you’ who’d be met with the power of this principle?

· How do you think you can apply it?

· What would it mean to you if you could successfully apply this principle?

3. Now choose a person in your life who causes irritation or sadness

Resolve to interact with this person today while applying your chosen principle. So today you will accept this person; or start again and see this person with new eyes; or treat this person with genuine patience.

4. Come up with a thought to stick to this principle

It’s this thought that will help you to stick to your chosen principle as soon as you’ll deal with this person. You might use this thought: ‘I allow you to be who you are, I accept you the way you are.’

Do not expect miracles after only one try at practising. But practise your chosen principle regularly; then simply watch how this mindful attitude subtly affects your feelings and behaviour, and how it positively impacts the relation between you and that other person.